Hold on, Kirsten
by KiKiCohen
Summary: Kirsten is sick. She's in constant pain. The humor of her friends and family keep her going. She is trying to be brave, but sometimes you have to just fall apart.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **Own nothing!

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"I don't feel so hot," Kirsten Cohen remarked, poking at her dinner, "I think I'm going to go lie down."

"You're never sick? Just call if you need anything!" her husband Sandy yelled as she dragged herself up the stairs. All week she had felt useless, but she was a strong woman. No one needed to know that she was sick, until now.

"See Ryan, Kirsten is NEVER sick," he explained to him, as Seth laughed to himself, reading a comic book.

"Yeah she hasn't looked alive all week," Ryan noted. Ever since he had moved in with the Cohen's he had felt that Kirsten had always had some special enthusiasm in her face, and the look had been replaced with a pale face, bags under her eyes, and shaking limbs. Ryan knew better than to say anything, she was powerful, and he didn't need to worry her.

"I'm going to go check up on her really quick," Sandy told the boys, retreating to the stairs.

"Kirsten?" he called, not noticing her in the bedroom, "Holy shit Kirsten, wake up!" Sandy found Kirsten curled up on the bathroom floor, sweating in a panic.

"RYAN! SETH! NOW!" he yelled, trying to stay as calm as possible, "Don't worry Kirsten, I wont let you go." Sandy held her limp body in his arms as she shook uncontrollably.

"Yes father," Seth asked in his dramatic voice, before entering the room, "Uhh…"

"What happened up…..Kirsten??" Ryan's happy face immediately turned into a shocked face, and the expression wasn't going away.

"I…I…found her on the bathroom floor," he nervously explained, "She's got a pulse and and her breathing is n…normal." Sandy was worried, the look on his face could put tears to your eyes, and Seth looked on the verge of tears.

"Hospital…get in car now," Sandy mumbled, not making any sense with his wording. As everyone went out to the car, there seemed to be a lot of confusion. The Cohen's were picture perfect, according to everyone around them, but Sandy knew that this symbolized a change.

The ride to the hospital seemed to take ages, and the Cohen's were catching every light red. "How is she back there?" Ryan asked, since he had been asked to drive.

"Uhh…I don't think to swift, she's shaking uncontrollably," Sandy gasped, trying to hide his genuine concern for his wife.

"It _is _OK to be scared dad," Seth reminded his dad from the front seat.

"Finally!" Ryan exclaimed, pulling up to the doors.

"Go park and meet me in the lobby," he told Seth and Ryan. The two were silent; they were amazed that something so dramatic had happened so suddenly. Ryan pulled into the nearest parking space and the two hopped out of the car, instinctively running towards the hospital doors.

Ryan caught a piece of what the nurse was saying to Mr. Cohen, "She is on her way to seeing a doctor, many tests will definitely have to be done."

"Where's mom?" Seth questioned his dad.

"She was rushed in because she was an emergency that couldn't wait, they are going to revive her and run some tests. Something could seriously be wrong with her," Sandy gulped as he said the words, "The only thing we can do is wait…and call Caleb." Sandy glared down at the screen of his cell phone, not wanting to dial the dreaded numbers.

"I'll do it," Seth told his dad, grabbing the phone from his hands.

"OK." Seth dialed the number into the phone and hit the send button. To his surprise Julie Cooper picked up, he had to play it cool in front of her.

"Can I talk to my gramps?" he asked, trying to sound worry-free.

"Nice to talk to you too Seth, let me go get him," she responded.

"Hello?" his grandpa's uptight voice picked up the phone.

"Gramps, please don't tell the witch, mom fainted, pretty bad, she's really sick, in the hospital," Seth tried to stay calm, but the nervousness was starting to get to his head.

"Seth? Explain." His grandfather was known to be harsh, but a hint of worry was in his voice. Sandy quietly told Seth to tell him not to come, that they had it under control.

"Don't come, we will call you later," he said, feeling bad for hanging up, "Bye gramps."

Seth and Ryan knew that it would be a while before Kirsten was out of surgery and testing, so they decided to rest their heads on the two shoulders of Sandy; they knew they needed it.

"Wake up," Sandy gently tapped the heads of Seth and Ryan, "We are going in to see your mom now." Seth shot up at the words and jumped out of his seat. His mom was the most compassionate and understanding woman he knew, and he just had to see her.

"Are they going to tell us what's wrong?" Ryan groaned, sitting up in the chair.

"We are going to have a family conference with Kirsten, supposedly they found something, and they went into surgery," Sandy explained, "She is in room 303, lets go find her."

The boys were silent as they rode the elevator up to level three. There was nothing to say, the boys were all worried, and even though they always acted tough at home, they could barely keep it together today. Once they reached the room, Sandy lightly knocked on the door, and entered the room. Kirsten half-heartedly smiled up at them.

"Mom!" Seth cried, running over to give her a light hug.

"Kirsten!" Sandy and Ryan sang in unison.

"Hey guys," Kirsten said weakly, still hanging on to her smile.

"How are you?" Sandy asked compassionately.

"I feel awful, my stitches hurt, but other than that I am so glad to see you guys; and I am so thankful that you came to check on me Sandy, or something bad could have happened to me," she smiled, sitting up in the bed, "Seth, Ryan, its late, and tomorrow is a school day…"

"For everyone else," Seth grinned back at his mom, she gave him the look.

knockknock

The doctor stepped into the room, happy to see his patient with a smile on her face.

"Hello there Kirsten, did you have a nice nap?" he asked, chuckling as though he thought it was funny.

"Hey Ed, I was just talking to my family," she smiled, giving him the look when he turned his back.

"Well I thought it was time that I told you guys what's wrong with Kirsten over there," his smile had long since left his face, and he looked nervous, "I'm afraid that she has been diagnosed….with….a rare form of….leukemia."

The room went silent, everyone had a blank face on.

"Nooo you got the wrong patient sorry there must be another Cohen," Seth babbled, it was the only thing he knew to do when he was worried.

"Seth, I believe him," Kirsten silently told him, "What can I do?"

"Well we recommend chemotherapy, the side-effects are harsh," Dr. Jennings told her, handing her a pamphlet on it, "But if you decide to go with chemo, we would like to have you in on Monday, for your first day. You will come in twice a week for four weeks, and that will conclude your first session of treatment."

The room was silent for a minute, until Kirsten cried, "I'll do it. I'll be here on Monday morning at 10."

"That will be fine, and have a family member pick you up around 2," he told her, "Sign these forms Sandy and she will be released until Monday."

The family quietly helped Kirsten into a wheelchair, as demanded by doctors, and took her out to the car. The look on everyone's faces where awful, they looked like someone had died.

"I'm scared about telling my dad," Kirsten blurted out on the way to the car, "He hasn't been in control since he lost my mom, of cancer."

"Tell Julie first," Sandy tried to give a suggestion, "and call for a family meeting with Caleb and Julie, also invite Jimmy and Marissa, invite everyone, we will sit on the patio and talk."

"OK," Kirsten looked at Sandy, trying to hold her tears back.

The ride home was awkward. No one said anything, and you could hear the silent sobs of Kirsten, holding onto Seth in the backseat of the Range Rover.

"Kirsten, everything is going to be OK," Ryan reassured her, looking into her cold eyes.

"Ryan, I love you, I am glad you are living with us, and I think I should be telling you that, I am going to be OK," she let a smile spread across her face. _She was determined to live. _

**I think that this was an OK chapter? Review please!! This is going to get good, I PROMISE!!**


	2. Just Lose it

**A/N: It is going good…**

**Disclaimer: Same one…**

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Kirsten sat, staring at the phone in her hands. She knew how guilty she would feel if she told Julie about her sickness, and then called for a family meeting, telling Julie to act surprised. Oh well, she thought, I might as well do it, I think it will save me pain later.

"Hello?" Julie Cooper answered the phone; luckily she had picked up, not her dad.

"Julie…" she stuttered, on the verge of tears, "I have to tell you something."

"Kirsten? Are you all right? You sound shook up!" Julie exclaimed.

"I…I was diagnosed with…leukemia," she couldn't say it without tears coming to her eyes, "Don't tell Caleb, and just come over, with him, say I have called for a meeting."

"We will be over as soon as we can," Julie sounded worried, "Bye."

"Good job Kirsten," Sandy told her, coming over to kiss her forehead, "We'll get through this."

"I think I am going to go freshen up," she told Sandy, walking slowly towards the stairs. Her stitches were killing her, her stomach hurt, she felt nauseous, and her head was throbbing. She knew it would be OK.

"Seth…" she stood in the doorway of his room on the way to change clothes.

"Hey mom," he looked at her with a sad face, she knew he was as scared as hell.

"C'mon kiddo, it won't be too bad!" she told him, walking over to give him a hug. He squeezed her back with all his might.

"Oww…" she exclaimed, noticing bruises forming on her arms.

"Sorry! I didn't know you had become that fragile," Seth chuckled, keeping his optimistic attitude, "and never call me kiddo again."

"Yes sir Seth," she grinned at him, he could always make her smile, no matter what, "and Captain Oats, you're still around…"

"Duh mom, he's been around since I was two," Seth pointed out.

"Well I never really spend time with you," she gave him a half smile, kissing him on the head, "I need to get ready, Sir Nichols and his damsel are on the way."

"Thanks for stopping by!" he yelled as she walked out the door.

Kirsten was happy; despite the fact she was bruised, had a stomach-ache, and had cancer. Before she even got the chance to wash her face, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Sandy yelled from downstairs. Before he opened the door he tried to put his face on straight; he didn't want Caleb to know that something was wrong.

"Well look who it is, the gruesome twosome!" Sandy exclaimed, swinging the door wide open.

"Hello Sanford," Caleb nodded.

"Sandy!" Julie cried, pecking him on the cheek. Caleb made a disgusted face. Kirsten slowly came down the stairs, smiling at her father and Julie.

"Hello!" she smiled, trying to create a happy composure.

"Kiki!" Caleb walked over and gave his daughter a hug. Luck for her that Julie and Sandy knew that she was sick because of the awful face she made, "How are you?"

"Lets go out on the patio, I have some news," her tone dropped down to a more mellow voice, panicking her father. The group walked out onto the patio, taking seats at one of the poolside tables.

"So Kiki…what is the news?" Caleb asked, suddenly remembered that she had been in the hospital.

"Well…I….um…have….um….," she stuttered, she couldn't get the words out, "I have leukemia." The table was silent, Julie did a great job of hiding the secret, but Caleb's face was draining color.

"Kiki…" was all that he could manage to get out of his mouth.

"Chemo starts Monday, I am going to be as sick as a dog," she told them, trying to be brave. She couldn't handle the fake approach anymore.

"Julie, lets go get something to drink," Sandy gave her the "give them some time" look.

"But I'm not…" Julie suddenly got the hint, "OK." The two walked into the house, and the second they got inside Kirsten set her head on the table and started to cry. The family had done a good job of putting on a positive front, but she felt like utter crap. She hadn't seen Ryan since they got home and Seth had looked scared in his room.

"Oh daddy!" she got up, sat on his lap, and buried her head into his chest.

"Kiki, I love you," those would be the last words he spoke that afternoon. Caleb got up, walked into the kitchen, grabbed Julie around the waist, and told her it was time to leave.

"Bye," Kirsten looked lovingly into her dad's eyes. The second they walked out the door she collapsed into Sandy's arms, "I'm scared, I want to be better," she started sobbing. They stayed on the couch all night.

_MORNING_

The two didn't even hear the door open, it was Ryan.

"I'll come back," he said, looking at them as if he was waiting for a response.

"It's OK Ryan, stay, get some breakfast, Sandy will take you and Seth to school," she sniffled at little and turned, not wanting Ryan to see her red face.

"Thanks," he said, walking into the kitchen, grabbing his bagel as the doorbell rang.

"Could you get that Ryan?" Sandy asked, holding his wife still. Ryan walked over to the big front doors and opened them; it was Marissa.

"Hey," he said, "What's up?" He suddenly realized that Marissa didn't know, Julie would have never called Jimmy and told him.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure," he answered. The second she walked into the kitchen she noticed how awful Kirsten looked.

"Hey Marissa," she said in a shaky voice. Marissa's face turned blank, she felt as if there was something going on that she didn't know.

"Hi…are you all right Mrs. Cohen?" she asked, giving a worried look.

"Didn't your mom tell you?" Sandy gave her a strange look.

"I haven't talked to my mom for a couple days," she responded.

"Well Marissa, sweetie, some things have changed around here," Kirsten knew that she wouldn't be able to say the word without looking like a wimpy female with not so much but a heart, "I was diagnosed, yesterday, with a rare form of leukemia." Marissa's face dropped down to her knees. She dropped the bag of bagels she was carrying and looked into Kirsten's eyes.

"Wow…I don't really know what to say," Marissa couldn't believe the news. Seth and Ryan had to be devastated.

"Well it was nice to see you Marissa, I think I need a nap, bye Ryan," she gave Ryan a hug, but he noticed a slight bruising from the hug from Sandy so he just gently tapped her back, "I'll make sure Seth comes down in a minute." Ryan watched Kirsten walk up the stairs. You could tell that she was tired and sick, especially because of the red in her eyes.

"Morning," Seth came down a few seconds later, "God my mom looks pitiful. Ready to go?" Seth seemed to be avoiding the subject at all costs lately and knew that if he started denying it, his mom would have a cow.

"OK, grab a bagel Seth, eat it on the way," Marissa ordered Seth, "Have a good day Mr. Cohen."

Once the group got to the car, Marissa acknowledged Seth, "So how are you?" she asked with a saddened look on her face, "with all this going on?"

"Umm…last night was a rough one for me, I couldn't sleep well, but besides that, I guess I'm all right," Seth looked out the window, obviously not being his normal self. The group pulled up to Harbor and got out of the car. Seth wanted to avoid Summer, as much as he loved her. He couldn't talk to her without breaking down, something he hadn't done yet.

"COHEN!" too late, Summer was already on his back.

"Hey," Seth groaned, signaling Summer to jump down.

"What's your problem?" she asked, giving him a look.

"God, do you really want to know?" Seth looked really upset, "My mom has cancer." With that Seth started walking towards the school, not wanting to lose it.

"COHEN!" Summer yelled, running up to him, "Oh my god Cohen, I love you so much, and I'll do anything for you." Summer hugged Seth, feeling his body melting into hers.

"I love you too," Seth told Summer, giving her a brief smile.

_A/N: Next chapter: chemo starts, the weekend for mother/son bonding, AND MORE!! RR of course!! _


	3. I Forgot To Tell Jimmy

**Disclaimer is the same…**

**A/N: haha the story hasn't even shown up yet and I'm still having fun writing it**

_**Important: This takes place very beginning of Senior year. **_

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Seth stood in the cafeteria at lunchtime, he couldn't handle anything anymore. He picked up his cell phone and dialed home, "Hello?" Kirsten asked into the phone.

"Hey mom!" Seth smiled, glad his mom was sounding lively.

"Seth if you are calling to ask how I feel, I promise I am OK Seth," she sounded annoyed that he was calling.

"Mom…you have cancer," a couple of the water-polo guys stared at him in disbelief, "but I'll go, bye." Seth slammed his phone shut and took a seat on one of the study couched.

"Cohen," Summer walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "How's it going?"

"My mom is starting chemo Monday, its Friday, what do I do?" he looked so restless, almost cute.

"Spend time with me tonight and her the rest of the weekend," she grinned, "you need a little fun in your life!" Seth sighed. Besides the fact that the whole school now knew his mom had cancer (from his shouting) he decided that he was going to make that night special. Ryan could spend time with his mom anyways.

"Hey man," Ryan grinned, sneaking up from behind.

"Hey, uh, I'm going out tonight, so spend quality time with the fam," Seth alerted him.

"Sounds cool," Ryan shrugged. He loved the Cohen's. He WAS a Cohen.

"God, its like, our second day back and we already have, like, a test next Friday," Summer complained, hoping that Seth would listen to her.

"We are seniors you know," he smirked, reminding his girlfriend that they weren't in seventh grade.

"Well I have to go find Coop, I promised I'd eat with her," Summer told Seth, "Love you!" She planted a kiss on his forehead.

"I…I….love you too," Seth was amazed that one thing goes wrong with his family and Summer is all over him.

"So are you going straight with your little princess after school?" Ryan joked.

"Yup, I'll be back sometime like nine," he responded, "And don't call her princess, she's conceited enough." Ryan laughed at the comment, Seth was back.

"Do you know what we need for Chrismukkah?" Seth asked Ryan, even though it was months away.

"What?" Ryan questioned.

"A CAR!" Seth exclaimed, he had wanted a Hummer since he got his license, "more important…a black Hummer."

"Ha…ha…how about we both get cars?" Ryan laughed, "I'll go simple if I don't have to share with you. Seth punched him in the shoulder.

"How the hell did we get on this conversation anyways?" Seth questioned Ryan. The boys were having a normal Ryan-Seth conversation, one that didn't include the words: Kirsten, mom, cancer, chemo, or hospital.

_**After-school**_

"Take the Range Rover Ryan," Seth called to him, "Summer has her car."

"Thanks man," he replied, catching the keys Seth had thrown at him, "have fun you too…wear protection." The couple just laughed and Summer walked up to punch Ryan.

"Tell my mom I said hey," Seth told Ryan, nothing about cancer, he assumed the whole point of the day was to keep her off his mind.

Ryan climbed into the Range Rover and backed out of the parking space and left the school parking lot. He wished he was going out with Marissa, but he didn't really know where they stood now. Couple? Friends? He really didn't have a clue. Ryan pulled into the driveway of the Cohen estate and parked the car; Sandy wasn't home.

"Hello?" Ryan called, walking in the front door.

"Hey Ryan," Kirsten was watching TV in the den, sounding beat.

"Seth is out tonight; with Summer. He's going to be home later," Ryan told Kirsten, standing in the doorway of the den.

"Sit down, I was thinking about watching a chick-flick, I haven't watched one in ages," she smiled at him, giving him his afternoon hug. Ryan saw that she had noticeable bruises on her arms and that the bags under her eyes were visible. She didn't have make-up on and he assumed she had been sleeping all day.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan gently asked, sitting down.

"Sleepy, bruised, sore," she solemnly responded, "but all right, I had a peaceful day." Kirsten smiled at Ryan, showing him the selection of movies.

"A Walk to Remember?" Ryan questioned, "Never heard of it." Kirsten laughed, it was the only movie she had chosen.

"Yeah, I love it," she smiled gently, sliding the movie into the DVD player. Ryan settled down on the couch next to her. He was finally starting to feel like a Cohen.

_The _movie continued and Kirsten, surprisingly, stayed awake. Near the end of the movie, when the girl died, he could see the fear in Kirsten's face. He could see tears falling down her face too. He scooted closer to her and gave her a hug. She looked up at him and returned the hug. The two stayed in the position for what seemed like forever.

"Hello," Sandy walked into the kitchen, looking at Ryan and Kirsten, sitting next to each other.

"Hey Sandy," Ryan felt awkward and got up from his seat.

"Hey honey," Kirsten stood up, wobbled back and forth, and gave her husband a kiss on the cheek, "Seth will be back later, he's out with Summer."

"What do you guys want for dinner?" Sandy asked, holding up menus from various take-out restaurants.

"Chinese," Kirsten told him, "Get me General Tso's Chicken over WHITE rice."

"Okay," he told her, he was afraid that food that she wasn't used to wasn't going to stay down.

"I'll take Beef and Broccoli," Ryan told him, "and maybe some dumplings? Seth isn't going to be home for dinner."

"Summer is so good for him," Sandy sighed, "do you want to invite Marissa over for dinner too?"

"Uh…its OK, I'll be fine," Ryan tried to hide his smile.

"Come on Ryan," Kirsten put her arm around him, "we could invite Julie too, I think I need to talk to her."

"Julie…as in Julie Cooper?" Sandy asked her, laughing to himself, "do whatever you want…"

"I'll invite Jimmy too, not Caleb, Julie called and says he's gone to San Francisco to spend time by himself," Kirsten told her family, walking over and dialing the Cooper-Nichols phone number, "Hi Julie, its Kirsten…yes I'm fine….will you come over for dinner?...Marissa too….is he?....In an hour?....Ok bye Julie." Kirsten hit the off button on the phone and started to dial Jimmy's number, "Hi…Do you want to come over for dinner…Julie and Marissa will be here…OK see you in an hour….bye," Kirsten really knew how to work her magic, "I think we will need more than just a couple dumplings." Suddenly Kirsten made a disgusted face, and turned pale.

"Sweetie? Are you OK?" Sandy asked, Ryan's face got huge.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but Jimmy doesn't know!" Kirsten put her fists in the air in a huge rampage, she had had a good day, but she knew it wasn't going to end well.


	4. I Remember the Ice Skates

**Same Disclaimer applies…**

**THANKS FOR THE AWESOME REVIEWS!! This is my first, yes, and thanks for saying it didn't seem like it. I read A LOT of them though. :-D Please continue reviewing…it makes my day. **

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The doorbell rang. For the first time in her life Kirsten hoped it was Julie Cooper. Luckily she was right.

"Kirsten!" Julie gave her a hug and walked inside, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Kirsten looked at her, "Hey Marissa."

"Hi Mrs. Cohen," Marissa said, heading towards the pool house.

"Julie, sit down in there, I need to talk to you before Jimmy gets here," she motioned Julie towards the couch.

"What's wrong?" Julie questioned.

"Jimmy doesn't know!!" Kirsten cried, pacing back in forth, she had slept all day while Seth and Ryan were in school.

"Yikes, and he's coming?" Julies face got big, she knew that she would say something wrong through dinner, "by the way, you look great!" Julie was telling the truth, her hair was looking great, but she was more trying to change the subject. Before Kirsten got to reply, the doorbell rang again. Kirsten walked towards the front door.

"Hey Kirsten!" Jimmy gave her a hug, oblivious to the support she really needed.

"Jimmy!" she smiled returning the hug, she had always been polite. The first thing he noticed was a bruise, probably from Julie's hug.

"What happened to your arm?" he asked grabbing her wrist to show her, he watched as a bruise formed where his hand had been, "God, you are sensitive."

"Jimmy, we need to talk," she told him, "Sit over there." She motioned towards the couch where Julie was sitting.

"I would have told you first, but I had to tell Julie because of my dad," Kirsten explained, as Sandy walked into the room, "I found out on Wednesday that I have leukemia." She was used to explaining this to people now.

"Wow," Jimmy has a lost expression on his face, "I'm…I'm sorry Kirsten…"

"I think our food is ready…" she changed the subject, "I slaved in the kitchen over it." Julie snorted.

"Get the kids," Kirsten told Sandy, taking a place at the table. Jimmy was silent, he didn't have anything to say.

"So Jimmy, how's everything with your new boat?" Julie could tell that Kirsten wanted to change the subject, she knew that Jimmy wouldn't be able to handle this.

"Fine," he shrugged, focusing on his beef and broccoli. Ryan and Marissa came in the front door, giggling relentlessly, grabbing onto Ryan's arm, "Sorry Mr. Cohen!"

"What happened?" Kirsten asked.

"The two were having a little love fest on the bed," Sandy looked around, wanting to change the subject.

Suddenly Jimmy broke out, "Kirsten, I'm sorry, I wish I had known, this is really awkward."

"Jimmy, its O.K! Lets eat in piece," she said, taking a tiny bite of rice. The whole day not all she had eaten had agreed with her. Her stitches also killed her. She smiled anyways, "Please excuse me." She knew she was about to throw up. Her stomach was not yet ready for anything so exotic.

Sandy knew that his wife was sick, so he decided to change the subject, "So how was your first week back at school?" He motioned the question towards Ryan and Marissa who had been silently been eating Chinese.

"Great," Ryan told him, lifting his eyebrows.

"Fine," Marissa smiled at him.

"Well this has been an awkward dinner," Julie Cooper took her last bite of rice and took her plate into the kitchen.  
"Marissa, we need to get going, tell Kirsten I said bye, and tell her I said I hope she is feeling better," Julie stood up and motioned Marissa.

"Mom!" Marissa cried, "I'm not even done eating…I'll come home later." With that Marissa stared at her chicken and took another bite.

"Fine," Julie rolled her eyes, "I'll see you later." Julie had suddenly lost her recent nice touch, something was wrong with her.

"Julie, are you all right?" Sandy asked, grabbing her arm.

"I can't take this anymore," she told him, "the silence, everything, just treat Kirsten normally, that's what I would want. She is my step-daughter and I can say what I want." Sandy had never thought that Julie took the step-mother thing seriously.

"Wow," Jimmy looked at Sandy, "Just Wow." Julie had basically marked the end of dinner, but Kirsten was confused.

"Who was yelling?" she questioned.

"The wicked witch is back, she is calling herself your step mom," Sandy explained, as Marissa chuckled about her mom.

"Why does Julie Cooper have to be involved in everything?" Kirsten sat down at the table at put her hands on her forehead.

"We're going to the pool house," Ryan announced, knowing that the adults were about to have a long talk on Julie Cooper. Something he did not want to get involved with. Instead the whole table was quiet, and Sandy and Jimmy continued picking at their food.

"I have to go," Jimmy said, looking at his watch. He felt awkward sitting at the table, "I'll see if I can come see you on Monday." With that, Jimmy was out the front door. Kirsten and Sandy were left at the table, Kirsten collapsed into Sandy's arm, mad and sad, she just sat there bawling.

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"Bye," Seth kissed Summer on the top of her forehead.

"Bye Cohen," Summer smiled at him. She loved Seth.

"I have to be really quiet…I'm like three hours past curfew," and with that Seth was quietly in the front door. He saw his mom asleep on the couch, in his dad's lap.

"Seth Cohen," his dad gave him the look, "Where have you been?"

"Well…actually ice-skating and to a movie," Seth smirked, "Summer used to figure skate."

"So did your mother….SETH…your late," he couldn't stay on task with the thought of when his wife and him went ice skating when they were younger. Suddenly the backdoor opened and Ryan and Marissa popped through.

"Looks like the famous couple is baaack," Seth announced, waking his mother. Her eyes were red and she looked awful.

"You all right?" Seth asked his mom.

"mmmm…sleepy," she collapsed back into Sandy's lap.

"Bye Marissa…Seth you'll here more of this in the morning," Sandy took his wife in his arms and walked towards their bedroom at the same time Marissa kissed Ryan.

"Yep…the famous couple is back," Marissa waved at Ryan, and he just grinned back, walking towards the pool-house.

_**Morning**_

"How was your date with Summer?" Ryan asked Seth, cramming a spoonful of Captain Crunch in his mouth.

"We went ice skating," Seth told him, "She can do all those fancy spins and stuff, she is so graceful on the ice. She was an ice skater when she was younger, and she thought it would be fun to go to the Newport Ice House."

"Sounds fun," Ryan looked at Seth, "Marissa and I just hung out in the pool house…and ate dinner with Julie Cooper and Jimmy Cooper…your grandpa disappeared to San Francisco to clear his mind."

"You got your boogie on?" Seth raised his eyebrows. Ryan laughed and slapped Seth's arm.

"My mom used to ice skate," Seth told Ryan, "She was really good like Summer, she was so graceful, we used to take family trips to ice-skate. She would show off."

"I guess not so much anymore," Ryan shrugged, as Sandy walked into the kitchen.

"Seth you are off the hook for last night, that's your freebie, Ryan gets his later," Sandy gave him a look, "I don't feel like arguing about this one." Seth gave his dad a thumbs up and focused in on his Captain Crunch.

"Where's mom?" Seth asked.

"Sleeping still, she is pooped," Sandy informed the boys, "Why don't you guys get swim stuff, I thought maybe we could go down to the beach today, and surf or something."

"All right," Seth shrugged, turning towards Ryan.

"Sounds good," Ryan lifted his eyebrows, getting up and walking to the pool house.

"Mmmm…" Kirsten stood at the door, looking like she wanted to collapse, "I want to go to the beach too."

"Ok, you can bring a towel and sleep," Sandy looked at her.

"I'll go get ready," she turned around and walked slowly towards the bedroom.

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The family walked down the beach access towards the beach. Sandy had his surfboard in his hands and Seth dragged his behind him. Once they got to the beach they found a spot for their towels, and Seth and Ryan ran towards the ocean.

"Go on," Kirsten told Sandy, "I'll be fine." Before she got a chance to settle she noticed familiar figures walking down the beach, the "Gatekeepers of the Community" the group of ladies she often formed social events with. She was in charge of them, but it looked like they were having a meeting without informing her.

"Ladies," Kirsten said, sitting up. They looked at each other nervously.

"Hey Kirsten," Julie stepped in front of the group.

"What are you guys doing? If you are planning an event you cannot have one without my consent," Kirsten gave them a cold smile.

"We were just talking," one lady, Cindy, told her.

"About me I'm sure, about how I shouldn't lead you guys, something stupid like that," Kirsten looked up at the ladies, "I thought people like you were supposed to have support for friends in need." The ladies looked at her with wide eyes.

"See you later Kirsten," Julie gave her a cold stare. Kirsten just turned around and fell asleep on the blanket.

"Ladies, is there a problem?" Sandy asked, coming back up from the beach.

"Can I talk to you in private?" Julie asked Sandy.

"Fine," Sandy asked, following Julie over where Kirsten couldn't hear them talking.

"Control your wife; we are planning a charity event in honor of her, OK?" Julie gave him the look, "We don't want her knowing!"

"That's nice of you," Sandy was about to laugh, it was funny that his wife was going off at her little tribe of women and they were doing something nice for her. Sandy walked back over to his surfboard. His wife could take Julie Cooper.

_**Soooo how was this chappy? Thanks for reviewing and please continue…**_


	5. I cant believe we didnt catch it

_**SAME DISCLAIMER APPLYS!! **_

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Seth and Ryan glanced at each other when they entered the hospital Monday morning. Kirsten was asleep in the front seat and Sandy was driving.

"This is the only day you guys can skip school," Sandy looked back at them, "People will start wondering, and I know this isn't something you want everyone knowing." The boys looked at each other and shrugged.

"Kirsten," Sandy gently shook his wife awake, "We're here."

"Oh God," she looked at Sandy with fear in her eyes, "I don't know how I am going to do this Sandy."

"Kirsten, you are a very strong woman, and I for one think that you are capable of anything," Sandy kissed her forehead, walking her towards the large oncology section of the hospital.

"Hello, I'm Kirsten Cohen, I'm checking in for chemotherapy," Kirsten told the front desk.

"Welcome, your doctor will meet you in room 302," the nurse smiled, "Your family can be in the room during the procedure." The nurse was friendly but not very warm. Kirsten tried to give her a smile. She knew that the nurse had to deal with dying patients everyday…it had to be a hard job.

"Thank you," Sandy nodded at the nurse, grabbing his wife's hand, "Don't worry, they have some really great oncologists at HOAG and I know you will be fine."

"I'm not so sure," Kirsten hit the button on the elevator, stepping inside, "When I'm done with all of this I am going shopping…I deserve it." The elevator doors swung open and she noticed her room ahead, the doctor was already in the room when she was waiting.

"Kirsten, how are you?" he asked with a general concern, "I thought I would get you started and also take a look at your stitches…how has the recovery been?"

"I'm OK, the recovery has been excellent, and this is my family…Seth, Ryan, and Sandy," she told him.

"Hello," he nodded at them, "I think we have met." He remembered that he was the barer of bad news when Kirsten had been in the hospital before.

"To start off the procedure, you will sit in that chair over there and you will have a needle in your hand for a while, during this your family will have to make sure you don't fall asleep. It can get a little intense but just hang on during the tough parts and you will be all right," The doctor told Kirsten and her family.

"Thank you," Kirsten smiled weakly towards him walking over towards the chair. She felt weak and sad, she couldn't believe this was happening.

"Don't worry babe," Sandy kissed her forehead and put her hand in between his.

"Kirsten…seriously don't worry, you will be awesome," Ryan sat up from her hospital bed.

"Thanks guys," Kirsten tried to put on a smile for her family, but it wasn't quite working.

"Kirsten...I am about to start the therapy," a nurse walked in with a general smile. Kirsten bit her lip as the nurse stuck the needle into her wrist.

"I love you babe," Sandy kissed her forehead, "I need some coffee, I'll be back as soon as I can." As soon as he walked out the doors of the room burst open to Julie Cooper.

"Kirsten!" Julie cried, about to hug her, "How are you?"

"Don't get all excited with me, I really don't feel well, I'm about to start the major barfing," Kirsten sat back in her chair.

"Well I just wanted to come by and tell you in person, Caleb called, he is OK, he is in San Francisco taking a little break from all the Newport drama, he sends his love," Julie informed the room.

"Good to know," Kirsten told her, throwing up for the first time that day.

"Maybe you two should talk later," Seth tried to force Julie Cooper out of the room.

"I have to go to work anyways," she told them, "I'll visit later!" Julie walked out of the room and Ryan chuckled.

"I am SO glad I'm missing chemistry right now," Seth looked at his pale mom, "I'd rather play the keep mom awake game then do some stupid lab." Kirsten looked really bad, she was losing energy and the pain surging through her body was getting more intense.

"Help … Can't … Stay … Awake …" Kirsten moaned, motioning for her boys.

"Just hang in there, only about an hour left," Ryan told her as she barfed again.

"Yummy," Sandy walked back in the room, stopping at the sign of his completely powerless wife, "I saw the doctor, he has some news from your recent tests, and he'll be in here in a little while." Sandy sat down on the edge of the bed, facing his wife.

"Are they…" Kirsten threw up again, "bad?" The family sat in silence as Kirsten looked at the needle in her hand, she suddenly had a feeling that she was completely powerless. About a half an hour later the doctor walked in, ready to announce whatever news he had.

"Kirsten…I'm afraid that due to recent tests, chemotherapy is not going to help," he explained, "the cancer is too widespread and the chemo doesn't seem to be right for your case anymore. The one thing that we can do to help you a lot is bone marrow transplant." Sandy looked at him with wide eyes…he couldn't believe the news.

"Are you positive?" Kirsten asked him, her eyes glazing over.

"Yes…but it could have major benefits," he tried to get her to look at the bright side of things, "do you want to go for it?"

"Give us a minute," Sandy motioned the doctor towards the door. Silence fell through the room and Kirsten looked super nervous.

"I'll do it if it's for the best," she told the family, "I cannot believe they didn't catch it sooner." Ryan and Seth looked at each other and tried not to make worried faces. They were too cool for those. They just couldn't believe that their mom actually had bad cancer. Sandy left the room to find the doctor. They came back in together.

"So I heard it's a yes?" he asked. The whole family silently nodded.


	6. KiKi isnt the only one with problems

**_Disclaimer: _Same disclaimer applies….**

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews!!!!**

**This chapter focuses on something else that goes wrong…**

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The chemo had ended, the stitches were still in her stomach, and hard-core surgery was on the way. Kirsten walked into the house shivering. She was sick, cold, and really upset. The doctor had scheduled an appointment for Seth, Caleb, Ryan, and Sandy to get their bone-marrow tested. Kirsten had not yet figured out the date for surgery yet, she was too scared. She knew that the cancer was obviously bad and actions needed to be taken, but she feared her own life. Moments later her cell-phone rang and the number showing up was her dad's.

"Hello?" she asked in a shaky tone.

"Kirsten! It's great to hear your voice!" he sounded relieved.

"I need you back soon, you have to get your bone marrow checked," Kirsten told him.

"Oh god, you don't have to have the surgery?" he asked worriedly.

"Yep," she told him, "I'm tired, come home ASAP!" With that she slammed down the phone and stumbled towards her room, ready to sleep.

Seth and Ryan had been sitting on the front stairs, Seth was getting really beat up over everything that had gone on and he just needed a friend.

"Summer and Marissa are going to come over soon," Ryan reassured his brother, "Don't worry man." He watched Seth start crying. Seth hadn't ever necessarily been the coolest guy in school, but he surely had A LOT of love for his mom and if she happened to die, Ryan assumed that Seth would runaway…or worse.

"Thanks Ryan," Seth said, giving him a look that said I'm pathetic, "I'll be OK." Seth walked towards the house and Ryan knew that he needed his "Seth time". Actually come to think of it, he needed his Ryan time because he felt like he was about to explode.

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Ryan couldn't take it; he heard the whispers as Seth and him walked down the hall. His head was spinning and he wasn't in the mood to deal with these people surrounding him. He also wasn't looking forward to soccer practice. He knew something would go wrong. Ryan walked into biology and sat down next to Marcus, a member of the water polo team.

"I'm sorry about your family's issues," he turned towards Ryan and gave him a pitied look, "Even though Kirsten Cohen ain't your really mom, I've heard she sure as hell acts like it." Marcus turned around. Ryan wanted to slap him but he knew it really wasn't the best idea at the time. Ryan just turned around and looked down at his book.

"Boo!" Marissa grabbed Ryan's shoulders as he grabbed his history book out of his locker.

"Hey," he responded with a glare in his eyes.

"Are you OK?" she asked, knowing that he probably wasn't.

"I guess," he shrugged, inside he felt like he was being eaten alive. He was the one that had to be the psychologist in the house because he hadn't known Kirsten as long as the rest of the family. Ryan just walked away, he couldn't stand talking to someone that could make him burst out into tears in front of the whole school.

At the end of the day Ryan had managed to eat alone at lunch and avoid anymore meetings with Marissa. He wasn't really in the mood to play soccer and knew that he wouldn't really pay attention anyways. He shrugged and walked into the locker room to change into his soccer clothes. Even the guys whispered about him in the locker room, it didn't seem like their business. Ryan didn't care he just ran out onto the field and decided to start warming up. He hated being around those guys anyways. Ryan stood out on the field and started running laps. Before he knew it he stopped running and started thinking. The problem was that he stopped right in front of another player and tripped. Ryan landed with a nasty crunch. He groaned, his knee hurt really bad and he just couldn't hold himself together, he started sobbing. "Dude are you OK?" Brandon, the guy who tripped him, asked, "Oh my god, your knee!"

"Coach!" another guy yelled, motioning the coach over to the scene. Ryan lay on the ground helplessly; it was all he knew to do. He knew he might have been overreacting that day on his actions, but he had finally lost it.

"Damn kid," the coach motioned towards his knee, "You dislocated it." Ryan looked at his knee in disgust, "Mark, go call her dad, or Sandy Cohen." The assistant coach scurried away and the rest of the team continued their laps.

"I heard all about the family stuff," the coach patted him on the back, "It's hard at first, but don't worry, it just gets better from here." Ryan gave the coach a half smile and then continued looking at his knee. The hospital was his new home away from home. Somehow the coaches got him into the office, but they didn't want to put the knee back in place because the trainer wasn't there. A few minutes later Sandy pulled up in the parking lot and ran into the office.

"Hey bud, are you all right?" he looked over at the puny face on Ryan, "What do I need to do?"

"I think you should take him to the ER," the coach examined the knee, "Just in case." The coaches helped Ryan into the back of the BMW and Sandy and Ryan drove off.

"Pretty screwy start to senior year, eh?" Sandy questioned Ryan from the front seat.

"I thought senior year was supposed to be fun," Ryan asked, "So far Kirsten has found out she has cancer and I have injured myself at the second soccer practice of the year." Ryan turned around indicating that he didn't want to talk.

"I've got to call home," Sandy flipped out his silver phone, "I'll tell them not to come." Sandy started dialing and Ryan just turned around.

"Hey Seth….I'm on my way to the hospital….everything is fine…Ryan dislocated his knee at soccer…no please don't come…yes we will be home tonight….we're here I gotta go," Sandy hung up the phone, "What a nosy kid." Sandy gave Ryan the crutches the coach had provided him with and let him lead the way into the ER. Sandy walked over to check Ryan in to the front desk and Ryan found a seat away from anyone waiting.

"Hey bud," a nurse motioned him over to the counter, "Another nurse and a wheelchair will here momentarily." She was right; a blonde nurse with a slight country accent came around and helped Ryan into the wheelchair.

"Let's go wait to get some CT scans and x-rays done to that knee!" she pointed down at the blue and purple, swollen knee that was giving Ryan tons of pain. She rolled him up to a room with a big machine, Ryan sat as the doctor that was in the room put it up to his knee. (**_A/N: I've never had an x-ray so I am guessing) _**Ryan winched as the x-rays were being shot. Soon the nurse rolled him into another room, where he took his CT scan. Ryan wasn't paying attention so soon it was done without him even realizing.

"Ryan, we are going to go into another room with Sandy, to discuss what is wrong," the nurse wheeled him into another room where Sandy was already seated.

"A doctor will be with you shortly," the nurse left the room.

"So how'd it go?" Sandy asked Ryan who face has softened up a bit since they arrived.

"All right, I think I fell asleep though, it seemed to take 5 minutes," Ryan glanced at the clock on the wall, "Not an hour." The doctor walked in with a smile on his face, I guess he wasn't admitting to the two that they had a life-threatening disease.

"When Ryan's knee popped out of place it tore some muscles and ligaments around it," the doctor pointed at some x-rays, "he will be on crutches for quite a while." The doctor sat him on a stool, "This brace will be yours," he slid the brace on after he had put a cast-like thing under it, "Do not bend your knee past this angle." Ryan daydreamed as the doctor told him everything he needed to know. At 9:00 Ryan and Sandy got into the BMW and headed home.

"God, the hospital is our home away from home, eh?" Sandy looked at Ryan.

"Basically," Ryan lifted his eyebrows and started to doze off.

"Ryan!" Seth opened the car door to find a sleeping Ryan.

"Mmmm…Ryan sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Blech…you have to use crutches?" Seth pointed at the crutches on the floorboard.

"Yeah…Doc says I don't have to go to school tomorrow so don't come wake me in the morning," Ryan got up on his crutches and headed towards the house.

"Ryan how are you?" Kirsten rose from the couch. The day that she started feeling a little bit better, her son got worse.

"I'm gonna go to bed now," he told her, "I'll see you in the morning…and could I get some Advil to put next to my bed?" Ryan took the Advil and hobbled towards the pool house. Ryan changed and lay in bed. Before he knew he was in dream land.


	7. Ryan Kirsten bonding

**Disclaimer: Dude, I own NOTHING related to the OC but rights to Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, Peter and Kelly…I wish. (A girl can dream!) **

**A/N: Gosh, I didn't think that I would ever update this story again but since KANDY4EVA was so polite and she rocks even though I've never really met her; I'll try to write a decent chapter. It has been like three months since I updated this and it was my first fic so hopefully you can bare (or bear?) with me while I try to improve it. **

**So without further adieu…I'm back from hiatus! **

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Kirsten was really tired. She desperately wished that she could have stayed up all night and sat in the pool house, caring for her son but having cancer limited you to what you could do. She had woken up in the middle of the night covered in sweat with a splintering headache. She hadn't been able to fall back asleep, even though she was desperately tired. Ryan was still sleeping away in the pool house and Sandy was in court. Seth had tried to think of an excuse to stay home from school but nothing really came to mind. Suddenly the backdoor swung open and a limping Ryan entered the room.

"Hey Ryan," she stood up, a little too quick though. She slowly sat back down and clutched onto her head.

"Are you OK?" he asked her, hobbling over to the couch and taking a seat next to her.

"I'll be fine," she smiled, slowly standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

"Are you having a bad day?" he asked, "I mean in terms of pain and stuff. Not like your mentality or anything."

"Uhh not so much 'bad' but I just have a really bad headache. I mean I could have a headache like this on a normal day. It makes me slightly dizzy and all that but…"

"You don't have to explain," Ryan gave her a small smile, "Can I ask you a sort of…personal-ish question?" Usually Ryan didn't have the guts to say something like that to  
Kirsten, or anyone for that matter.

"Sure Ryan, I don't know if I will answer, I mean I can't think of many questions I wouldn't answer. I mean sure I wouldn't answer anything about the sex life of Sandy and I because if somehow Seth found out about our sex life I think that he would run away, maybe jump off a cliff or be scarred for life. Literally he would have a vasectomy," she rambled.

"Wow I've never heard you ramble like that," he laughed, "And you were talking about vasectomies? That will scar me for life!"

"Seth rubs off, anyways, what's the question?" she stood impatiently as he stretched his leg out under the table.  
"Are you scared?" he asked quietly, ruining their joking moment.

"All the time, since the day I felt sick, I mean I had to live through this with my mom and I've learned that watching someone suffer is almost as hard as suffering yourself," she responded, "What do you say we have a Ryan and Kirsten bonding day? I don't think we've ever done that."

"No we haven't, and sure we can, what do you want to do? I'm immobile and you will faint if we do anything too strenuous," he joked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"We can break into Seth's DVD collection," she suggested, taking a sip of her water. Coffee was too hard on her stomach and without any food in her stomach she had decided against drinking any type of alcohol.

"We are gonna get in big trouble," Ryan grinned, hobbling into the family room, "Which one do you want to watch?"

"Something funny," she shrugged, "Does he have the first season of the Valley, that show is so good!" Ryan gave her a look of disgust and she shrugged.

"Oh wow, Seth has _A Cinderella Story, Raise Your Voice, Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, _and _the Tigger Movie," _Ryan laughed, he was laughing until he cried.

"Maybe Summer keeps her DVDs here?" Kirsten suggested, trying not to laugh at her son's movie collection, "We can watch The Day After Tomorrow." She grabbed the DVD and put it into the player. Kirsten and Ryan both relaxed onto the couch. Somehow having her family around was an immediate medicine that helped control the construction site in her head and stomach.

"God, imagine if a storm like that hit Newport Beach!" she exclaimed as the tornadoes hit down in L.A. Soon enough Kirsten was asleep with her head in Ryan's lap. Movies always made her sleepy. Ryan laughed at the sleeping Kirsten, hoping that she felt OK.

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"Where's Chino?" Summer asked Seth as they walked down the hall of school.

"His leg…?" Seth questioned her, giving her a strange look.

"What about his leg?" she asked, smacking Seth on the arm, "Is Chino OK?"

"He dislocated his knee at soccer, he's staying home with my mom today," Seth answered, continuing down the hall.

"Staying home because of his knee or staying home because of your mom?" she asked, obviously confused.

"Staying home because of his knee!" he exclaimed. Seth didn't have much patience left. The usually funny and light-hearted Seth had taken on the job of being angry at the world.

"Cohen, c'mon you haven't been normal ever since you found out about your mom. I understand how tough that has to be but she wants you to be there for her acting NORMAL. She wants the funny, sarcastic Seth to be there for her. Not the worrisome, boring, angry-at-the-world, Seth," she told him, walking away.

"Wait…Summer!" he called, jogging up to her.

"Yes?" she asked seductively.

"You're right. Let's help my mom live her life to the fullest," he grinned at her, looping his arm through hers.

"Hey guys, do you know where Ryan is?" Marissa came up to the lovebirds.

"He's at home…" Seth answered.

"Why? Is he sick?" she asked worriedly.

"Actually as a matter of fact he dislocated his knee yesterday," Summer jumped in.

"Oh wow! He is OK?" she asked.

"He's chillin' with my mom so it's all good," Seth used a fake "gangsta" tone.

"Just come with us to see him after-school," Summer smiled, leading the two away.

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Kirsten slowly sat up on the couch as Ryan woke her up, "I have a headache."

"Well is there anything in particular that you want to do now?" he asked her.

"Let's…I've got it! We ask each other questions and we have to answer our questions too so I can find out more about the mysterious Ryan Atwood," she suggested, grabbing her head.

"Uh…OK?" he answered, "You've gotta go first though."

"Hmmm…" she sat pensively, "Tell me about a really good time in your childhood."

"Wow," he began, "Well, on my street there was this old black man named Ernie. He was the nicest guy ever. He always wore pin-striped suits and crazy hats and invited all the kids in the neighborhood to gather in his yard and he would referee games and such. He had this thing for Theresa and I and he would always invite us over first and tease us and stuff. Well he just proved to be one of the most influential people in my life. I miss him."

"What happened to him?" Kirsten seemed to be intrigued as she lay on the couch.

"He had heart troubles," Ryan sighed, "His funeral was nice." Kirsten smiled.

"He sounds great," she sat up and lowered herself back down.

"Now what about you?" he asked lovingly.

"Well," she began, "Taryn, the woman with short blonde hair, she and I were…best friends, oddly enough. Anyways, when we were like 10 we decided to try to throw a rager. Big mistake. Well anyways it ended up being really fun because it was a 10 year old rager and…" Ryan was laughing so hard that tears were coming to his eyes.

"Oh, I have a good question that I can't answer!" she piped up.

"What?" he asked.

"What did happen to the Range Rover and the 'Imax' movie vandalism?" she asked as Ryan sighed.

"Well we were in Fresno with this guy that I worked with named Donny. I had a date with Marissa and he invited Seth and I was thinking, 'no don't take Seth to a Rager' so I went and I said 10 minutes but then we heard someone say they had demoed a Range Rover…" Ryan laughed. Kirsten raised her eyebrows and leaned back.

"So let me get this straight, you were at a house party and you took the Rover and…" she stopped, "I don't even want to continue." Ryan laughed as he looked over at Kirsten. She looked a little pale.

"Are you OK?" he asked her.

"Umm…I'm fine," she smiled, hoping that he didn't think otherwise.

"Whatever, I don't believe you," he responded, watching as she quickly jumped off the couch and sprinted to the bathroom. She heaved into the toilet and cried in desperation. Ryan couldn't run to her side but he could get on his crutches and hobble over to her. He went as quickly as he could.

"Hey…shh," he rubbed her back and whispered in her ear, "It'll be OK." She slowly stood up and walked towards the couch. The two both sat down and she set her head in his lap. She pulled the blanket over her shaking body and fell asleep.

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**A/N: Yeah, I updated. **


	8. Nothing Left to Give

**Disclaimer: Dude, I own NOTHING related to the OC but rights to Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, Peter and Kelly…I wish. (A girl can dream!)**

**A/N: Reviewers: Thanks, People reading: please review! I'm glad that this story took a turn for the better and that the reviews all rocked! I heart you guysss… **

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Kirsten didn't want to get out of bed and she knew that she didn't have to either. She felt so sick and she knew that she was covered in a cold sweat. She looked at the clock and noticed that it was 9:00!

"Sandy?" she called out hoarsely. She listened and heard someone in the kitchen. She slowly sat up and made her way towards the kitchen.

"Hey babe, how are you?"

"Mmm…" she looked up at him with weak eyes.

"I guess that means bad doesn't it?" he asked her, stroking her hair.

"I start chemo today," she reminded him, "I know that they said that they didn't think that it would be effective, but they also say that it is worth a shot."

"That's why we need to head to the hospital," he scooped his wife up and gently sat her down on the seat at the end of the bed, "Ryan and Seth are both at school. Ryan decided to go back today."

"That's good," she responded, slowly standing up and heading towards the closet.

"Ryan took the news of you pretty hard," Sandy began, "I just can't believe how emotionless he is."

"Yeah," she looked at him, "I can't ever tell what he is feeling." She slowly pulled off her pajamas and put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"So we need to get going," he told her, "You have chemo waiting for you."

"Oh goodie," she rolled her eyes and started towards the front door.

"Do you want a bagel for the road?" he called, catching up with her.

"It won't stay down," she told him, opening the door and heading towards the Range Rover. She climbed in the front seat and curled up in a ball. Sandy got in the driver's seat and headed back down the driveway.

By the time they were at the hospital, Kirsten was sound asleep. Sandy slowly pulled into a parking space and went over to help her out of her side of the car. He gently tapped her awake. Her eyes fluttered open and Sandy gently helped her out of the car. He wrapped his arm around her waist and the two slowly walked into the oncology wing of the HOAG. People in the waiting area looked sympathetically towards the couple as they sat down in two chairs next to each other. She put her head on Sandy's shoulder and fell asleep again. As soon as she made it into dreamland, a nurse came out into the waiting room.

"Kirsten Cohen for chemotherapy?" the lady called out. Kirsten rolled her eyes and slowly stood up with Sandy by her side.

"They didn't need to make that a public service announcement," she hissed, following the nurse into the back. The room she was put in had a bed and a chair. The nurse directed her to a chair.

"When the doctor comes in he will check on you. For now, this IV will direct the medicine into your body. You will start feeling weak but for now it won't be as bad as later. We suggest staying overnight because some of the affects may need medical attention," the nurse rubbed her arm gently; "You'll be fine."

"Thanks," Kirsten responded hoarsely, grabbing Sandy's arm.

"Oh honey, you'll be great," he kissed her head; "I love you so much."

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Ryan and Seth walked through the walls of Harbor trying not to think about their mom in chemo.

"Hey guys," Summer walked up to the two and smiled, "How's it going?"

"The Kirsten is in chemotherapy right now," Seth shrugged, "I just hope she'll be OK."

"Try not to think about it," she gave him a hug, "Because you know that everything is going to be fine. Oh, and Chino, what the hell? I heard you completely face-planted at soccer practice and…"

"Yes, yes I did, it was graceful, and it hurt like hell," he pointed down to his hardware, "It still does actually." As the trio entered the physics lab, Ryan walked up to the teacher.

"Mr. Anderson?" Ryan hobbled even closer, "I'm sorry I don't have my report that was due yesterday. I understand if you take points off my grade."

"Oh Ryan, with all you've been going through I wouldn't have expected more. I'll give you two more days to finish," the teacher gave him a sympathetic look.

"Don't give me sympathy because of my leg," he told the teacher.

"It's not just your leg…" he started.

"And definitely not because of my mom," he told him angrily, sitting back down. He really wished things could go back to normal.

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Kirsten was woozy. Chemo was even worse than she expected. She barely noticed anyone else in the room because she felt so sick. She felt very light-headed and felt as if she was looking in on Sandy from another dimension.

"How are ya doin' sweetie?" he asked her, kissing her temple.

"So…sick…" she managed to spit out before heaving into the bucket. Since she was barely eating lately nothing came out.

"Breathe, just take a deep breath," he rubbed her back as she leaned back in the chair.

"Stop the chemo," she moaned, taking short, sporadic breaths.

"You only have about ten minutes left. Try to hang in there baby," he stroked her hair as she whimpered.

"I don't have anything left to give," she cried, half-falling asleep.

"Oh sweetheart, you're definitely the greatest person I know, you can make it through this. As much as I know how badly you just want to call it quits, so many people here need you. Seth hasn't been acting normally and he really needs someone to rag on their cooking. Ryan looks up to you more than he ever looked up to Dawn. He thinks that you are definitely the greatest thing in the world. I need you more than I could ever explain. You are my better-half. Summer, Marissa, Hailey, Jimmy, Julie, your dad…they all need you here so give a little effort in these last few minutes and just relax," he rambled, kissing her cheek. She did as he said and relaxed. Ten minutes later the nurse came back in and took the IV out of her arm.

"Do you want to lay down?" the nurse asked her, helping her up.

"Mmm…" she responded, grabbing onto Sandy for support. Sandy watched as his wife got curled up under the covers with the morphine in her arm. He sighed.

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The door opened about an hour later and two heads popped in.

"Hey guys," Sandy greeted them as they came into the room.

"How's Kirsten?" Ryan asked, sitting down and placing his leg up on another chair.

"She took the chemo pretty hard and she's sleeping right now," he motioned towards his wife. She was curled up under the blankets and looked adorable. There was an IV in her hand. She tossed over towards Sandy and then tossed the other way. Sandy grabbed her hand and rubbed it, hoping that she would stop tossing and turning. She suddenly jolted up causing Ryan and Seth to jump backwards.

"Get away!" she yelled, looking over towards Sandy.

"What's the matter sweetie?" he asked. She panted and put her hand on her head.

"Sorry, not you guys, I had a nightmare," she admitted, sighing and leaning back against the pillows, "I am so glad I didn't have any breakfast." Sandy rubbed her hand some more as she tried to slip back into sleep. Suddenly, when he was sure she was asleep she jolted up again and threw up all over him.

"Eww…you can definitely project mom," Seth took a step back from his mom.

"Oh my God Sandy, I'm so sorry," her face would have suggested that she just shot someone, not threw up on them.

"Nice aim!" Ryan laughed, patting Sandy on the back, "Do you want me to go and get you some new clothes?"

"No need, Kirsten wants to come home tonight so the nurse will come in whenever she's awake, which is now, make sure her vitals are strong, and then we'll take her home," Sandy told Ryan, "By the way, how's your leg?"

"Sore," he rolled his eyes, "But I'll be fine."

"I feel bad that we haven't been able to properly worry about it," Sandy looked at him and over to Kirsten, she was already back to sleep.

"Its fine," he started laughing, "By the way you smell gross."

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Kirsten was asleep on the couch as the rest of the family ate dinner. Sandy knew how hard chemo was on her and decided not to wake her up. He knew she wouldn't eat anything anyways.

"How was mom's first day of therapy?" Seth asked his dad, taking a bite of chicken, "Like, not sugar-coating it like you did in the hospital?"

Sandy looked at Seth and sighed, "She took it pretty hard. She looked like she was about to rip the IV right out of her arm."

Seth started picking at his food and then looked over at his mother, "What if she isn't OK?"

Sandy and Ryan both looked up at Seth suddenly.

"We don't have to worry about that yet," Sandy told him with a stern look on his face, "So don't even think about it." The boys continued dinner in silence.

Ten minutes later Kirsten slowly sat up on the couch and looked towards the boys in the kitchen. The three were eating silently.

"Hey guys," she managed to make out, even though her voice was hoarse. The three turned around and all greeted her at the same time.

"How are you feeling?" Sandy asked her, walking over to sit by her on the couch.

"Better than I was earlier," she smiled at him, "and sorry for the vomit episode." It was that moment that Sandy was pretty sure that everything was going to be alright.

"Oh its fine sweetie," he kissed her forehead, "Everything will be fine."

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**A/N: Next 2 weeks (starting Saturday) I'll be in the mountains for camp and I won't be able to write (boohoo) and right now I have to go finish Sometimes YouCan't Make It on Your Own because it's almost finished! YAY!**

**Review please please please please if love it or hate it. I really need responses. Expect more soon!**


	9. The Beatles and Dancing

**Disclaimer: Dude, I own NOTHING related to the OC but rights to Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, Peter and Kelly…I wish. (A girl can dream!)**

**A/N: Reviewers: Thanks, People reading: please review! I'm glad that this story took a turn for the better and that the reviews all rocked! I heart you guysss… **

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Kirsten walked into her office at the Newport Group and looked around for the files she was supposed to work on. She was back to work whenever she didn't have chemo and when she felt good enough. She liked being at work. It was a good distraction to the pain that she was in. She could tell at the office that she was constantly under the watchful eye of her co-workers. Julie paraded into the room, energetic as usual.

"Kiks," she began, Kirsten turning around slowly to see what she wanted, "Since tomorrow you have to…go back in…I was thinking that you, me, lunch, the Crab Shack." Kirsten looked into Julie's pleading eyes. She sighed.

"Sure Julie, you drive," Kirsten gave her a fake smile and sat down in her big leather chair. Julie walked behind her and looked at the computer screen.

"You use AIM Kiks?" she grinned, "I do too! Can I add my screen-name?"

"Go ahead," Kirsten sighed, leaning back in the chair. Julie typed in "NewpsieMILF."

"Does Marissa know about that screen-name?" Kirsten asked her, laughing.

"Oh God no, but I had to have a better one than Taryn. Her screen-name is UltimatumWnnr," Julie explained.

"Oh…" Kirsten sounded somewhat surprised. Suddenly an IM popped up.

_**Iluvcomicsnsummr: **Hi mom._

_**KirstenC93: **Seth. Why aren't you in school?_

"I've gotta go Julie, I have to talk to Seth, see you for lunch!" Kirsten waved.

"Bye Kiks!" Julie scurried into her office.

_**NewpsieMILF: **Don't you think this screen-name is soooo better than Taryn's?_

_**KirstenC93: **I"LL SEE YOU AT LUNCH!_

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Kirsten stood outside of Julie's office and waited for her to get something. God knows what she needed to get to go out to lunch. Kirsten clutched the table beside her to stabilize herself. Being a slow, pitied, always-sick mother was NOT fun.

"Ready?" she hadn't noticed Julie come out of her office, cheerful and ready to roll.

"Sounds great," she gave Julie a fake-smile and slowly followed her out the door into her shiny Lexus convertible. As she climbed in she accidentally hit the stereo button. Suddenly the Beatles filled the Lexus. Julie quickly blushed.

_I'd like to be under the sea  
In an octopus' garden in the shade  
He'd let us in, knows where we've been  
In his octopus' garden in the shade_

"Julie! I didn't know you were a Beatle-holic!" Kirsten smiled, suddenly it seemed as though all her pain was gone, she was happy. She started singing along. The blushing subsided and Julie joined her.

"I'd ask my friends to come and see, An octopus' garden with me, I'd like to be under the sea, In an octopus' garden in the shade…" the two sang while pulling out of the Newport Group parking lot.

"Oooh is 'Let It Be' on this CD?" Kirsten asked Julie. Julie just laughed.

"I never knew that you were a Beatle-holic either!" Julie flipped through the CD until she found the song that Kirsten wanted.

_When I find myself in times of trouble  
Mother mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness  
She is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be._

"What's so special about this song?" Julie questioned, turning the volume up slightly.

"It's just something that I listen to when I'm having troubles and stuff," Kirsten shrugged and hummed the tune._  
_  
_And when the broken hearted people  
Living in the world agree,  
There will be an answer, let it be.  
For though they may be parted there is  
Still a chance that they will see  
There will be an answer, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be. yeah  
There will be an answer, let it be._

"So you think that it has the answers to all of your problems? This one measly song? Not following your train of thought," Julie did some of her hand motions and used her ditzy voice, making Kirsten laugh.

"I guess you could put it that way, listen to the next part," Kirsten looked at Julie.

_And when the night is cloudy,  
There is still a light that shines on me,  
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.  
I wake up to the sound of music  
Mother mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be.  
There will be an answer, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be,  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be._

"Does 'Mother Mary' wake you up?" Julie asked pensively.

"No but I mean the song provides some kind of sanity," Kirsten looked at her.

"Oooh," Julie looked as though she had just found all the answers she needed, "I get it. Turn it on something for not so smart people…oooh turn it to Rocky Racoon!" Kirsten just laughed and flipped the song to "Love Me Do."

"Or not," Julie smiled, "By the way, are you feeling OK? You seem to be doing good."

"I am in some pain today, but I mean, you can't dwell on the pain!" Kirsten explained to Julie.

"I still don't follow. Kiks, you are like, way too smart for your own good," Julie warned her, continuing driving, "and brave."

"Umm, is that an insult or a compliment?" she rhetorically asked. Julie just laughed.

"Oh my God!" Julie suddenly cried, "You have to come to the party tonight!" Julie had completely forgotten that the "1st Annual Kirsten Cohen Honorary Leukemia Benefit" was that night.

"What is the party for again? I have chemo tomorrow and I have to get some form of sleep!" Kirsten told her.

"Nothing special, but you like, have to come," Julie told her, "It is going to be soooo much fun!"

"Julie, sometimes you are a little crazier than I even know what to do with," Kirsten leaned back in the seat and continued listening to the Beatles.

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Kirsten had gotten a gorgeous new Tadashi Tiered Turquoise dress, a Kate Spade clutch bag, and a new pair of Manolos. She had been good with her meds that day and felt OK.

"We don't have to stay long, do we?" she asked tiredly, grabbing the bag and slipping on the shoes.

"We'll stay for a little while," he informed her. He knew what the party was and he knew that it would brighten Kirsten's day, "The boys and girls are waiting downstairs."

Marissa was wearing a gorgeous colorful Y Yigal dress and Summer was in a pink, strapless ABS dress.

"You guys look beautiful!" Kirsten chirped, walking into the living room.

"Oh my God! You got the Tadashi dress before me? I thought those Manolo's had to be pre-ordered. I had fashion trauma! I realized the Marc Jacobs dress…" Summer began as Kirsten was laughing.

"Yes I got the Tadashi dress, Julie thought it was 'beautifully stunning' on me," Kirsten smiled as she mocked Julie.

"We can't be late!" Sandy came gallivanting into the room, "Hurry, our chariot awaits!"

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Kirsten mingled amongst the crowd, receiving various oh-poor-darlings and i-hope-you-feel-betters. She watched as Julie walked onto the porch where she always made her announcements.

"May I have everyone's attention?" Julie said into the microphone. Everyone stopped and looked up at her.

"Most of you know the reason that you are here tonight," she began, "But some of you do not. I would like to welcome you to the **1st Annual Kirsten Cohen Honorary Leukemia Benefit**." Kirsten looked shocked. She glanced up at Julie.

"Will Kirsten please join me?" she said again. Kirsten looked at Sandy. He led her up towards Julie by the elbow. Polite claps filled the air as she walked up the stairs. She gave Julie a look and stood next to her. She was glad she wore a good looking dress.

"We would like to present this check to Robert LaGorga, the chief oncologist in Newport," she handed him a check with A LOT of zeros on it. He held up his glass, "A toast, to Kirsten, and thank you to those of you generous enough to donate to this cause." Kirsten looked down and saw Seth, Ryan, Marissa, and Summer clapping furiously. They were so happy for her.

"Do you have anything to say Kiks?" she asked. Kirsten gave her a look that said 'don't use that in public.' She looked down to see her dad smiling back up at her.

"All I have to say is thanks to all of you and thanks to my family. This is so nice! Thanks for making me feel…happy!" She looked over at Julie and exchanged a hug as Sandy led her back down the stairs. She was absolutely glowing. She reached up and kissed Sandy on the cheek.

"Thank you," she told him, kissing him again.

"Not my idea," he told her, sweeping her onto the dance floor, she gave him a look of protest, "We'll be gentle, just back and forth." Kirsten put her arms around Sandy's neck. Nothing else mattered around her. She didn't think about the fact she had cancer. She didn't think about the fact she was dying and all the looks she was given were pitiful. She just cared that she got one last dance.

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**A/N: Are you proud? I updated before backpacking! I may again, this is the easiest story and the most fun story for me to write. Why? Well it's Kirsten-centric.**

**LJ USERS: please friend me: my lj name is fldhckygoali35! I would love that. Just comment on my most recent entry. Thanks guys!**


	10. That's a Gash

**Disclaimer: Dude, I own NOTHING related to the OC but rights to Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, Peter and Kelly…I wish. (A girl can dream!)**

**A/N: Reviewers: I'm back. As much as I like this site, I wish I was still on my trip. Here's a gift for you. **

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A month had passed since the benefit and Kirsten was not getting any better. Actually she was getting worse. She tried to go to work a lot but most days they ended up in failed attempts and she found herself on the couch before the boys returned home from school. That day was no exception. Ryan walked in the front door after a long day at school. Marissa had been PMS-y and Ryan hated dealing with girls like that. Seth had gone off with Summer to something after-school and Ryan had the house to himself. Well he hoped he did. He walked into the house to hear a whimper. He threw his bag down on the floor and headed into the kitchen.

"Oh my God," Ryan looked around and saw blood on the ground. Kirsten was clutching onto her forehead, "What happened Kirsten?" She was panicking.

"I collapsed and hit my h…head on the edge of the counter," she was taking short, sporadic breathes and she had a fear in her eyes.

"How long ago?" he asked her, watching as blood flew all over the kitchen.

"Two minutes ago," she told him. He grabbed a hand towel off the counter and held it to her face.

"This is really bad, we have to get you to the hospital," he explained. He helped her to her feet but she was shaky. He was afraid that she was going to have a panic-attack. He scooped her up into his arms. He knew how weak she had gotten. There was blood flowing all over her face. He quickly grabbed two towels from the bathroom on the way out to the Range Rover, which was now Ryan and Seth's. It was a scary sight to see Kirsten bleeding all over his car. He quickly picked up the phone to call Sandy.

"Hello?" he answered the phone.

"Sandy!" Ryan responded, "Big incident, I'm taking Kirsten to the hospital. I came into the house and found her bleeding heavily from a medium size cut in her head. When you have cancer and get cut you lose a lot of blood. Now she is about to have a panic-attack and Seth is out so I can't be in the back watching her!"

Sandy was silent for a second and responded, "I'll be there soon." Sandy hung up the phone and Ryan knew that he was already on his way to the hospital. Kirsten groaned from the back and Ryan looked toward her. He realized they would pass the Newport Group in two minutes. He picked up the phone and called Julie.

"Julie!" he cried as soon as she picked up, "Wait outside the offices and be prepared to drive to the hospital. Kirsten can't sit alone in the back she needs help!"

"Umm…OK?" she responded confused. Ryan pulled the car into the offices and jumped into the back. As Julie came in she gasped at the sight of blood everywhere. She sped out of the parking lot. Ryan helped Kirsten as he picked up his phone to call Seth.

"Hey…it's your mom…just get to the hospital…yeah…bye," Ryan talked to Seth while holding a towel on her head and rubbing her hand. Julie pulled up the EMERGENCY doors with a screeching halt. Somehow Ryan managed to get Kirsten into his arms and into the doors. People are always snoops in the waiting rooms. They always try to see what is going on. They all started whispering.

"What happened?" the doctor asked, recognizing Kirsten from oncology, "I know that cancer makes you bleed more."

"She slipped and hit her head on the counter," he explained, "Can I go with them?"

"She's having a panic-attack too so you'll have to wait about thirty minutes," the doctor explained, patting him on the back. Julie came through the doors and took Ryan to sit. He grabbed the papers from the desk. Julie comforted him as he flipped through the papers. He looked down at his shirt and hands. He was covered in her blood. An older man across from him looked at the shirt and started talking to himself. Ryan felt his tears come to his eyes. He really didn't want to cry in front of Julie.

"You alright?" the older man asked him.

"No," he stated, continuing to fill out the papers.

"Same," he told him, "My wife just had a heart-attack." Ryan felt dizzy. He really didn't like dealing with blood and now he was covered with it.

"I'm sorry," Ryan told him sympathetically. Sitting up and looking at the man.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Well, my mom…" he started; Julie rubbed his back, "Has leukemia. She cut her head and she lost a lot of blood and panicked." The man gave him a look and sunk into his chair.

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The whole family including Summer and Julie sat in the waiting room. Suddenly a very familiar doctor, Ed from oncology came into the room.

"She was very lucky," he informed the family. They all let out a sigh of relief, "You can go visit her in room 302." The family walked towards the elevator and hit the button for floor 3, a very familiar floor. They quietly opened the door and saw a wide-awake Kirsten looking at them. She had air flowing into her nostrils, a blood bag going into her arm, and a bandage on her head.

"Oh honey," Sandy walked over to kiss her, "I'm so glad you're OK."

"Ryan," she bypassed Sandy, "If you hadn't come home…" She gave him a look which meant she was serious. She knew that it wasn't an unlucky accident. She knew how quickly the disease was taking over her body and she knew that she had fallen because she was too weak to stand.

"Mom…" Seth began, "How are you feeling?" She looked at him for a second, he needed the truth.

"Not too good," she admitted, "On top of feeling sick my head is throbbing and the Range Rover probably needs new upholstery. I also had a panic-attack and I suggest never having one. They aren't any fun." Seth walked over and gave his mom a hug. She smiled and closed her eyes.

"The doctor wants you to stay overnight," Sandy informed her, "and he wants to talk to you about taking it easy. He doesn't want you to work for now." She looked up at Sandy with teary eyes.

"Oh God Sandy," she motioned for a hug, "This is so hard."

"I know baby, I know," he sat with her and gave her a hug, "There isn't a way to be optimistic, I feel so bad for causing this family so much pain."

"You haven't caused us any pain!" Sandy looked at her like she was crazy, "We love you so much." She looked over towards her boys. They looked so sad.

"You guys only have a week and a half left of school, then we have the summer to hang out before I…" Kirsten stopped and watched as both of her boys paled.

"Go…back to work?" she hesitated. She turned away and closed her eyes, letting the tears flow freely. Seth and Ryan looked at each other with paled faces.

"You two should go home," Kirsten suggested, "Thanks again Ryan." The truth was, she didn't want them to see her in pain. She also didn't want them to see her breakdown.

"Okay," Seth responded, "I love you mom."

"I love you both," she smiled.

"Same," Ryan grinned, "Feel better."

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"EW!" Seth cried as he walked into the kitchen. Ryan followed noticing blood all over the floor.

"Yeah," Ryan looked at him, "She bled a lot." Seth and Ryan looked at each other.

"Where are the mops?" Seth asked, looking towards the closets, "Summer'll come help. She's pretty good with housework."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Ryan started, "This is something we need to do."

"I have a good idea!" Seth suddenly broke out, "It'll take a lot of work tonight but why don't we transform the den area into the perfect room for mom?"

"Like how?" Ryan asked.

"We could put all her books in there, put movies she likes, her cards and balloons, get really cozy blankets for the couch, flowers, a mini-fridge near the couch, all her old favorite movies, all her CDs, it'll be great!" Seth sounded so set on the idea.

"We better get started," Ryan looked at him.

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Kirsten slowly walked into the door with Sandy the next morning. He had his arms wrapped around her waist as they slowly made their way into the room. She had a bandage on her forehead and looked pretty tired. She looked up towards the den where she was about to collapse on the couch. She suddenly stopped and looked around. The picture over the fireplace had been replaced with a modern looking painting that said "Kirsten's Place" that Seth had painted. The couch had been turned into a lounge, there was a mini fridge, different colored pillows and a stack of all her favorite DVDs. There was a newly installed intercom for her to call for help and the room had been re-arranged. There were balloons and flowers all over the place and cards too.

"Oh guys," she grinned, looking at her boys and walking over to give them hugs, "I needed an uplifting." Seth almost jumped back at the hug. He hadn't realized how much weight she had lost.

"How's your head?" Ryan asked, examining the bandage.

"Just a scratch," she grinned.

"Hah. A scratch my ass," Sandy joked, "That's a gash."

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**A/N: There ya go. **


	11. Crying and Valley watching

**Disclaimer: Dude, I own NOTHING related to the OC but rights to Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, Peter and Kelly…I wish. (A girl can dream!)**

**A/N: Reviewers: love y'all lots. **

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Kirsten sat up in her bed and looked over to Sandy's side. She didn't see him in the bed. She looked at the clock, _9:50! _ She slowly got out of the bed and pulled on a pair of slippers. She threw her hair in a bun and slowly made her way towards the staircase. She clutched the banister as she took each step one at a time. She looked towards the kitchen and first noticed Julie Cooper.

"Julie," she called hoarsely, finally reaching the last step and slowly moving herself towards the kitchen, "What are you doing here?" Julie turned around and saw Kirsten moving at a turtle's pace towards the kitchen.

"Oh Kirsten!" she smiled and took a step towards her best friend, "How are you doing?" Kirsten reached up and touched the bandage on her forehead and winced, she knew that there was still a long healing process for that cut.

"Better," she sighed, sitting down on a stool at the kitchen table.

"That's good to hear," Julie told her friend, placing a glass of water in front of her and a bunch of pills.

"So anyways, what are you doing here?" Kirsten asked again, swallowing the pills and grabbing a banana.

"Sandy wanted someone here with you, he had court. He said last time you were here alone things could have turned out really bad," she looked at Kirsten and gave her a half-smile.

"Yeah, I know," she looked at Julie with sad eyes and back down at her banana.

"So Sandy said he'd be home after court," she explained to Kirsten as she nodded. Kirsten buried her head in her arms, careful of her gash, and began to sob.

"Oh my God, are you crying?" Julie suddenly asked, turning around and looking at Kirsten. She saw her shoulders move up and down.

"Is it about Sandy?" Julie asked, sitting next to her friend and rubbing her back. She saw her friend's head shake from inside her arms.

"Are you in pain?" she asked. Again a head shake.

"What is it?" she asked irritably.

"Oh damnit," Kirsten muttered into her sleeve and looked up at Julie.

Julie didn't realize why she hadn't noticed it yet. Kirsten didn't look like Kirsten. She looked tired, sad, in pain, and in general very sick. Her face was tear-streaked as she sat up.

"People keep telling me to fight, but I still don't think I'll be able to make it until Seth and Ryan become seniors. I won't be at their weddings, graduations, first day of college, I won't meet their kids, I'll never be a grandma, I'll never know what it's like to have grey-hair. I don't want to put my family through the pain of losing me. As self-centered as that sounds I know they'll miss me. I don't want any pain in this household!" Kirsten watched as Julie held out her arms for a hug and she openly accepted them.

"Kiks, don't think that way," Julie released the hug, "You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do," she corrected her, "My doctor gives me two months tops."

"That's just a guesstimate, not necessarily the truth," Julie reminded her, "and the harder you push, the longer you have."

"As I said before, fighting isn't an option!" she looked at Julie and sighed.

"Why not?" Julie questioned.

"You don't understand how hard it is to fight!" she cried, burying her head in her arms again, "Easier said than done."

"Well whatevs Kiks, I have to go to the bathroom but just remember: I know you can fight, it takes willpower," Julie walked off as Kirsten began sobbing into her arms.

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Ryan and Seth rushed home from school with their girlfriends in tow.

"Mom?" Seth called as he walked in the front door. He saw Julie Cooper sitting on his couch watching bad daytime TV. She looked up as Seth walked in the room.

"Where's my mom?" he asked Julie.

"In her room," she answered, "Did I hear Marissa come in with you guys?" Seth nodded as he took off towards his mom's bedroom. He looked in and saw his mom asleep on top of the covers. She looked cold. Seth walked over and draped the covers over her shivering body. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she smiled as her son.

"Hey Seth," she smiled, taking his hand, "How was your day?"

"Fine," he shrugged, "Nothing exciting happened. No big Newport Beach scandals."

"That's good I guess," she slowly sat up, "Can you grab me a glass of water and get my pills? I was supposed to take them an hour ago."

"Sure," he smiled at his mom and kissed her on the forehead.

"How is she?" Ryan asked as Seth came back from the bedroom.

"You guys should go talk to her while she is in high-spirits," she suggested, "Even you girls." The three all stood up and followed Seth back into his parent's bedroom. Summer and Marissa stayed in the back while the two boys led them in the room.

"Oh hey guys!" Kirsten smiled cheerfully, still with the dull sound in her voice.

"Hi Mrs. Cohen!" Summer beamed, stepping into the room. Marissa gave Ryan a look and the two walked into the hall.

"Hey Summer, how was your day?" she asked, smiling back at the younger girl.

"It was alright, I had a chem test though," she sighed.

"Those are never fun," Kirsten joked.

"So how are you?" Summer asked nervously as if she was afraid to ask the question.

"Um," Kirsten searched for the right words, "OK."

Summer's looked begged for an explanation.

"I just, I'm scared," she admitted, patting the bed for Summer to go sit with her.

"I would be too," Summer told her, giving her a light hug.

"If I don't beat this, can you take care of Seth for me?" Kirsten asked quietly and out of the blue.

"Of course," Summer watched as one lone tear fell down Kirsten's face, "I'll do everything in my power to make sure he takes care of himself."

"Thanks sweetie," Kirsten smiled at her, "I mean, I'll try really hard to beat this thing, but I guess it's just that I'm getting a lot weaker by the day." Summer looked down at the ground and tried to fight the tear trying to come into her eye.

"Seriously Kirsten, I promise you'll be fine!" Kirsten looked at her and smiled.

"To ruin the dreary mood," Kirsten began, "I love your skirt, what brand is it?"

"Chloe," Summer answered, standing up, "Could I possibly have a peek around your wardrobe? I admire your outfits!"

"Go for it, fashion show, do whatever, just examine the stuff with me," Kirsten responded moving to the end of her bed right where the closet was.

"Gosh you have sooo many suits!" Summer cried, "And this one…god the step-monster was looking at this one last week, it cost $1,500! It's Dolce and Gabanna!" Kirsten blushed.

"You might enjoy the dresses more," Kirsten suggested, pointing to the right side of her closet. She was starting to feel better that day.

"Is this Julie Cooper's?" Summer asked, holding up a Diane von Furstenburg dress.

"Nope," Kirsten shrugged, "It doesn't look like me does it?"

After fifteen minutes of flipping through endless amounts of clothes Seth returned.

"Took you long enough," Kirsten joked, taking the pills out of his hand and swallowing them one at a time. Marissa, Ryan, and Seth all joined Kirsten and Summer on the bed.

"How are you today?" Ryan asked Kirsten as Seth and Summer munched on a bag of M&Ms.

"I'm better now that I have my boys and their girls with me," she grinned and put her arms around Ryan and Seth who had taken her either side.

"We got some movie selections," Marissa told Kirsten, holding out the DVDs, "The Valley is from Summer."

"Ohmygod!" Summer shrieked, "I love the Valley!"

"Let's watch it then," Kirsten smiled. "I love it too." Seth sighed dramatically as he popped the DVD into the slot and the group sat back and began to watch the show.

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Sandy quietly walked into his bedroom and saw five sleeping figures somehow positioned on the bed. Seth and Ryan were next to Kirsten and Marissa and Summer lay horizontally across the bed. The Valley was playing and Grady Bridges occupied the screen. Sandy reached over his son and kissed his wife on the forehead. Her two eyes fluttered open and she grinned at Sandy.

"Hey honey," he smiled back.

"Hey," she said weakly, waking up the boys who woke up the girls.

"How long have we been out for?" Summer yawned and asked.

"Like three hours," Ryan laughed, sitting up and jumping off the side of the bed.

"Let's get you downstairs," Sandy talked to Kirsten, "and get some food and meds in you and change your bandage."

"Sounds fun!" she joked sarcastically.

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**A/N: Just a half-fluffy, half-angst-y chapter!**


	12. Worse

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the OC.**

**A/N: Yeah this story will get more angsty I guess by the chapter. At the moment, I'm about to start writing, and I really don't know what about…free-writing I guess you'd call it…a more experimental chapter…better than studying for biology**

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Kirsten rolled onto her side and groaned. Her head was pounding and all her joints were sore. She slowly threw the covers back over her head in desperation to get a few more minutes of sleep.

She felt soft kisses on her cheeks as she slowly opened her eyes. Sandy stood over her, stroking her face oh so gently. She smiled; he always knew the perfect way to make her feel better.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked hoarsely, coughing to try to make her voice sound normal again.

"A doctor's appointment," he told her with a half-smile, "just to get your stitches out. No chemo or anything." Kirsten's smile turned into a frown as she pulled the covers back over her head.

"Up and at 'em," Sandy pulled the covers back off her and gently helped her sit up. She slowly eased her way out of the bed and into the closet.

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Kirsten sat in the waiting room in the hospital. It was almost a relief not waiting in the oncology wing. The tiredness showed under her eyes and the tighter fitting shirt showed off the amount of weight she had lost.

Sandy sat back and watched his wife. She was obviously in a deep state of mind. He looked at the signs of her illness; they were all too evident. He sighed; this was not what he was expecting when the doctor announced the dreaded news that day. He didn't expect the disease to take over as quickly as it did. He did everything in his power to ease her pain but it was near impossible. The boys were almost done with their junior year and Sandy didn't really know how to comfort them. There were also indications of how hard the boys were taking the news.

Sandy felt Kirsten give him a light tap on the arm.

"Hmm…" he asked, snapping out of his trance.

"I'm going back, and after this I want to go talk to the other doctor…in oncology…and I want to do it privately," Kirsten requested, "So after this appointment you could maybe go get the car and pull it over to oncology; my question won't take too long."

"Whatever you say sweetie, now let's get back there, the doctors have lots of patients," Kirsten gave him a sarcastic smile and followed the nurse back into the room.

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"So you're saying that my life-span has gone down some?" Kirsten asked the doctor hopefully. She was sitting in a plush leather chair as he reviewed her files.

"The chemo isn't proving itself as effective as I thought it would," he told her.

"Really? So I might not get to see my kids graduate?" Kirsten felt more tears rushing to her eyes.

"I'm thinking that if you get any sicker I'm going to recommend an in-home nurse, so you don't have to spend the last span of your life living in a hospital bed," the doctor told her.

"How am I supposed to tell my family?" she asked the doctor, "They mean the world…and more."

"Well, that's the most important thing here," he told her, "and I'm sure they'll back any decision you make. They'll be with you up until the day you go into remission…or otherwise." He smiled.

"I know," She half-smiled, "Thanks."

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Ryan and Seth sat at the table doing their history homework as Kirsten shuffled into the room.

"Hey mom, how was your day?" Seth asked sincerely, "You were napping when we got home." She smiled at her boys. She wished that she could tell them the bad news but she didn't have the heart.

"I'm pretty good – I start chemo again tomorrow – and I'm dreading it," she sighed, "But such is life."

"How did the other appointment go?" Ryan asked.

"It was fine, I don't have stitches anymore – which I am happy about," she smiled.

"Whatever makes you happy," Seth smiled at his mom, "and you know what makes me happy…" He began.

"Not tonight," she stopped him, "I want to eat at home with you guys. I love spending time with the family." She laughed as Ryan and Seth both rolled their eyes.

"Sounds great," Ryan gave a cocky grin, Seth nodding.

She gave him a fake bop on the head, "I hope you are looking forward to it more than your face shows right now, Seth."

"Be ready at 6:00 sharp, look at least a little bit presentable," Kirsten smiled, "I'm going to go read for a little while – I'll see you then…and NO LATER!"

"Mmm…" they both mumbled, not really paying attention to their mother.

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The four sat at the dinner table, eating the take-out Sandy had picked up from the store. Kirsten looked more exhausted than she had for a while; she couldn't seem to lift her head and she barely picked at her food.

"Kirsten," Sandy began, "Do you just want to call it a night?"

"No, no, I'm fine," she told him, shaking her head, she didn't want to admit that she felt AWFUL, "I'm just going to go to the bathroom." She started standing up but suddenly found her legs couldn't support her own legs. At the moment she went tumbling forward, passing out.

"KIRSTEN!" Sandy cried, leaping onto the floor and trying to revive her. Her eyes fluttered but closed again.

"Get the car, one of you," Sandy ordered, cradling Kirsten's head in his lap. Seth sat in his seat, completely frozen. His face had turned a ghastly shade of white and his hands were in his lap. His breathing was sporadic and he seemed to be staring into space. It was a scary reminder of when she first found out about her cancer.

"Seth!" Sandy called from the floor where he was stroking his wife, "Seth!" Seth suddenly stood up shakily and walked towards his dad.

"R…Ryan's ready with the car," Seth announced. Sandy scooped his wife into his arms and continued to the car.

"I love you," Sandy whispered quietly into his wife's ear.

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It wasn't the first time that the Cohen's had waited in the oncology wing of the hospital. Sandy watched for the thousandth time as her doctor came out.

"There is something I need to talk to you about," the doctor began, "I think it would be beneficial for Kirsten to have an in-home nurse come and live with you."

Sandy looked at the doctor as if he had grown horns and a tail, "Why?"

"Because she is getting worse fast and I'm afraid starting soon I'm going to recommend she stays in bed," he explained.

Seth put his head in his arms and Ryan focused on a tile on the floor.

"I can recommend some good ones if you'd like," he suggested.

"Okay," Sandy shrugged, "Anything for my wife."

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Her name was Susanne, she had curly black hair, a few freckles, brown eyes, and was of average to larger size. She wasn't very tall and she was very modest. It was like car-shopping; or more clothes shopping, Kirsten had the opportunity to choose any she wanted. Susanne came home from the hospital with the family, telling about her parents and where she grew up. Seth sat with his nose pressed against the window as Kirsten listened intently. Susanne was growing on her by the second.

That night was the first night with a nurse. She helped Kirsten get to her room; she helped her prepare dinner, as Sandy stood back. She took her temperature and gave her more meds than she had ever had to take.

Sandy felt one tear that night.

He knew her time was coming to an end.


End file.
